I had a transformation just now! I spoke my truth in a whole new way! I believed in myself and in my self worth so much that it over powered the fear of what the reaction from the other might be. I used to struggle with speaking my truth. I feared I would hurt the others feelings if I wanted to be different or do something different from their dreams and I feared love leaving me. I feared the other getting mad and there would be conflict. I avoided the struggle that came with worrying so much about the other person instead of expressing my truest heart’s messages.
Growing up I don’t remember being encouraged to search my heart, listen to my intuition and speak my truth. So I never really learned. And I used to use the energy of anger to finally have the courage to speak my truth. My truth would bubble up so much that it would explode like a volcano of angry truth!!!
I used to associate speaking my truth with conflict and NOW TODAY AS PART OF MY TRANSFORMATION – I associate speaking my truth with being heard, understood and received with love!
I have in the past allowed the other person’s disappointment or convincing me that we should do it their way instead as an excuse to not go after my hearts longings. My own fears of putting myself out there in the world, being fully self expressed and following my dreams would get justified by the other persons experience of disappointment and their own fears of being self expressed in the world.
I would allow these experiences to pull me back, to not go for it and inside I would be angry, resentful, feel squelched and feel controlled.
I would direct this frustration and anger to the person that I couldn’t speak my truth with but instead the frustration was my own. My own frustrations of allowing my fears to hold me back from living a fully self expressed life.
Like you, I want all those around me to support me and support my dreams. And I have realized that people’s own fears of pressing a little too much on the edges of the box they feel safe in, hold them back and they without meaning it – they project this energy on to us and want to hold us back too. Its safer over here inside the box. Being fully self expressed scares people. So coming from love, they want to keep us small so they don’t have to face their own smallness.
But as Marianne Williamson says in this brilliant poem “Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people wont feel insecure around you”
I am loving this life journey we are all on! All of our growths and transformations! Loving that we are getting closer and closer every day to our core truths, our hearts deepest longing, hearing our intuitions and following our dreams!!!
Ya baby ya!!! Sending you deep love from the island of Bali!